A Chat with God

Its been a while since I have posted so I hope I remember how to do this...

I had a chat with God this morning. My wife was heading to surgery today and neither one of us had a really comfortable feeling with that. It wasn't anything that was life threatening or "serious" but still a surgery, and SCARY!

This is not the first time that she has had a surgery, and I don't know why this one seemed to be a bigger deal. I'll throw out some theories: 1. Age. Meaning that we are no longer in the "21 and bullet proof" stage of life. 2. We have a child and it scares us that something might happen to leave him with only one or no parents. 3. Relationship status. I've often heard it said that you love your mate more the longer you are married. It is true! 4. Dependancy. I have come to rely on, depend on, lean on, run to, and seek support from my wife and it scares me that I may not be able to have that. I'm addicted to her. 5. I hold on to things too tightly. Nuff Said. 6. It represents a lack of control. Even though I am fairly laid back, I still like to be in control.

So here is my convo with God this morning. Not in exact words but the general tone or theme. For the last few days I have been letting God know that I didn't want to loose my wife. I knew that I could go on but that I didn't like the idea or want that to happen. This morning was somewhat different. I had a realization that all of the above are true of me and especially in this situation. I simply said Ok God, I trust YOU. I know that you have my best interest in mind as well as hers. I know that you have a plan that is bigger than my desires and I trust you to do what you know is best. I surrender her to you, knowing that she is not mine but yours. If you decide to leave her I will be greatfull, IF you decide to take her I will accept that. Maybe not as gracefully, or easily as you would like, but I TRUST YOU.

Let me tell you that was not an easy thing to say. I truely thought that I would lose my wife in surgery today, I was petrified! I did not lose her (THANK YOU LORD) and now my fear is diminished.